Down by the wayside

Blogging is something I really enjoy doing but I am having quite a hard time keeping up with it! I have so many things I want to blog about, but instead I'm going to be boring and make a list of what has been happening.

And my phone is dead but since this is a special moment of free time I'm going to type this up and maybe add pictures later.

Or add them to a separate post 3 months from now!

This is what we have been doing:

• Ryan got a new job in Fort Collins at Advanced Energy. He started in October.
• We house hunted for several weeks (toyed pretty seriously with building another house) and then fell in love with a home in southwest Fort Collins right next to the foothills. We have no backyard neighbors and huge windows. I love the open feel of it.
• My brother came home from his mission in the middle of November. We hosted my family for dinner the night he came back, as well as Thanksgiving a couple of weeks later.
• Kent and Lalo stayed with us for a few days during Thanksgiving week.
• We got our house rented to a nice couple.
• Business for LILLEbaby really picked up in mid-November and I was super busy, which was both great and really stressful since we were moving the third week of December. I still have no idea how in the world I got everything done between packing, working, and being a mother. I guess I can only give credit to all the great people who helped me out during those weeks by watching Maya and Brianna.
• Maya turned 3! She had a fun party with nearby family and a rainbow cake that she had been requesting for months.
• After lots of negotiating and almost pulling out of closing on the house the DAY BEFORE we closed, we finally got everything lined up and felt comfortable making the purchase. It was a huge headache and we definitely wondered if we were doing the right thing a few times. We prayed about it a lot, and felt whatever happened would be the best for our family. 
• We bought the house on December 22nd. Picked up a moving truck that night. We spent 7 hours loading the truck on the 23rd with the help of a ward member friend, Ben, Jared, Ethan, and Adam. I finished packing while the men loaded. We drove to Fort Collins, where my dad, Brady, Holly, and Garrett met up with us, and had everything unloaded at our new house in about 50 minutes. 
• Spent Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas morning at our new home with our own family, and Christmas dinner at Brady and Erin's. 
• The following week Ryan and I spent 12 hours cleaning the Erie house to get it ready for our renters. Ryan went back 2 other days, and he ended up ringing in the New Year at a McDonald's drive-thru. But we (he) got it all done! I won't say it wasn't hard leaving that house, and painting the girls' rooms back to the original color was rough. It was where we brought our daughters home to, where we planned to stay for much longer, and where Ryan worked so hard to landscape our backyard. Now that we are in our new home and have started to make it our own, it is much easier to look back on it and realize it was a stage in our lives that will never be forgotten, but is no longer part of our present.
• We love that we are back in Fort Collins. This city is our home, and will always be "home". Ryan has told me that he feels like this house is our forever home; something he never spoke of regarding our home in Erie. Our new ward is great, our neighbors are awesome, and it all feels so right. It is my greatest hope that we stay here extremely long-term, if for no other reason than that I really really really despise moving.

Next week little Brianna turns 18 months old! She is starting to talk a lot, purposely does really silly things to make us laugh, and today I was carrying her cradled in my arms and she said, "Baby!" It made me realize she isn't a baby anymore, which of course pulls at my heart strings a little. 

So that is why I have not had time to blog. Life got crazy and it got crazy fast. 

Halloween!

This year for Halloween we had a purple princess and witch.

 

Maya has been talking about being a purple princess for Halloween since the end of July. She was pretty happy with how her costume turned out. And Brianna made a cute witch! 

We went to our ward Halloween party. They did a dance this year; no chili dinner or trunk or treat. A little different, but it turned out great after we convinced the girls that even though the music was super loud they could have a good time. Maya loves dancing and really got into it! It was fun to watch. 

On Halloween we had Jack O Lantern Pizza with our friends and then went trick or treating. Maya was great going up to each door and saying, "trick or treat!" In her adorable voice. Luckily the weather was great so nobody needed a coat over a costume! Brianna got really independent and wouldn't let me carry her or hold her hand. She had a tiny bag and it got full several times, and we would dump it into Maya's bag. When Brianna realized it was empty she got really upset and made us all laugh!

It was a super fun Halloween this year, and now I'm excited to get to experience Christmas with my sweet babies!

Pumpkin Patch

We had so much fun taking the girls to a pumpkin patch! We explained to Maya what made a good pumpkin and she would go up to different ones and say, "this one is orange, has some green, and is so fancy!" Brianna wanted to pick up all of the orange balls. She loved riding in the wagon!

Fall in Estes Park

We went hiking a month or so ago with the Kempton family on the St. Vrain trail and took these pictures of Maya. Moments later, "Is it okay I peed in the water?" Haha....

And a couple of weekends ago we went up to Estes Park to see the gorgeous fall colors on the aspen trees and spend some time together as a family. Ryan had a week before he started his new job in Fort Collins (he got a job in Fort Collins! We are moving back home!) so we wanted to make time to do some fun things while he had some time off. The leaves did not disappoint.

We went to Bear Lake in RMNP. We walked around the lake and then took the hiking path to Alberta Falls. Maya hiked all the way to Alberta Falls, but since it was getting late and close to dinner time on the way home, Ryan carried her on his shoulders part of the way. But she did awesome and I was so proud of her! Not a single complaint. Brianna of course enjoyed the free ride in the LILLEbaby!

Brianna loves to hold my hair. It is her "weird" form of comfort.

Thanks for a great day, Estes. We will see you again soon!

Get Real

I have had something on my mind a lot lately. It is probably more bad than good, but I want to put it in writing anyway. 

I love being a mom, don't get me wrong. It is the main job I have wanted since I was a little girl and always knew I wanted children; and after having many friends and acquaintances that have not had the easiest time making that happen, I feel very blessed that Ryan and I are able to have babies with no trouble at all. (I am not bragging - after two miscarriages back to back, there was a period of time I was not sure it was going to be easy for us.) 

But being a mom is HARD. REALLY hard sometimes. 

There is no more "sleeping in". I got up at 7 AM a few days ago and said to Ryan, "It was so nice to sleep in today until 7.....didn't think I would ever call 7 AM sleeping in." 

The house is never clean. Ever. Example: I washed the stainless steel of my refrigerator/freezer yesterday for the second time in the almost four years we have been in this house. Not more than 90 seconds later, both girls had left fingerprints and Brianna was licking the door. Same thing happens with our sliding glass door. I am constantly picking things up and the things the babies don't mess up (bathrooms, dust, dishes) is often left way too long because there is just not enough time to get it done without it being stressful.

Walking. Not the easiest anymore because there is always somebody in front of or behind me, just asking to be tripped over.

Free/alone time. Doesn't exist, not even in the shower or the bathroom. Well, mostly. In the evenings I have a few hours between when they go to bed and I go to bed, and that is very nice. I love those hours. 

I miss sleeping through the night every night. For months on end. When that starts happening again I will be a new woman.

If I don't want the girls to eat a particular item then neither can I until they are in bed. This means hours without chocolate.

Crying. Whining. Screaming. Temper-tantruming. Teething. Throwing up. Poop. Blood.

Getting out the door is an ordeal. I remember one time when Brianna was just a month or two old that I needed to go to the grocery store. I wanted to try to go before lunch. Brianna woke up from her nap, I changed her, and then wanted to rush out the door so we could get back. But she needed to nurse, which took 30 minutes. Then Maya pooped so I had to change her diaper. Then Brianna spit up ALL over both of us so I had to change our clothes. An hour later it was too late to try to go. Nowadays it takes usually about 20-30 minutes to get out once I decide to go somewhere, and there is no such thing as leaving on a whim. Snacks, drinks, potty run, shoes, diaper change, where are my keys?!... Don't ask me to be on time to anything in the next 5 years please.

Don't even get me started on church.

Ok ok ok. I just sound like an ungrateful woman who needs to vent. And maybe that's all it is. There are so many people posting on Facebook about how wonderful their children are ("yes, it's hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world!"). I recently posted a past memory of when I was 25 weeks pregnant with Maya and had the caption: Before I knew what motherhood was all about. A friend asked if I would go back. I thought about saying what people would expect me to say and act like my life is glorious and shiny and perfect. But I didn't. I said yes, sometimes I would. And it's true. There are times that I want to just get to sit down and read or watch a movie or paint my nails or, or, or, or. Many trivial things, but yes, I miss it. 

But there are things I would miss infinitely more if I did not have my children anymore.

Things like

their sweet smiles,

having experienced (and enjoyed immensely) pregnancy,

their unknowing beauty,

shopping trips (which I do enjoy, it's getting out the door that is hard sometimes),

kissing their owies better,

giving birth and the perfection of newborns,

introducing my girls for the first time and knowing that they would love each other forever,

darling sleeping baby noises,

moments like this:,

seeing their girly side come through,

sharing traditions like drinking hot chocolate when it snows,

the endless snuggles,

teaching them to love holidays, 

lazy Sundays at home watching football,

listening to Maya read to Brianna,

vacations that wear them out so much that they just fall asleep in the middle of the floor, 

seeing them do cute and smart things,

teaching them to try new foods and watching them learn independence when it comes to eating,

spending time in the evening just hanging out,

going on runs with the best company in the world seated comfortably in my double jogger stroller,

ridiculously adorable little girl clothes,

hearing them laugh,

cooking and cleaning together (I have no photos of it, but Brianna enjoys "helping" me clean up after dinner and Maya is great at picking up her toys and helping to set the table for dinner),

their birthdays,

wearing my babies as often as I can, 

and everything else about them.

Do not fear. I am not an unfit mother and I love my babies more than life itself. But there are times, every know and then, a quick moment here and there, that life would be easier on my own. I think that is understandable to all other moms out there who are willing to Get Real. 

Now it is time to get to bed because 7 AM will be here before I know it. But not before I get that dessert I have been putting off all day.